NEW BLOG

I'm no longer writing on this blog. When I moved and started a new ministry role, I started a new blog too:

http://stevengaines.wordpress.com

The Hidden Me

Several years ago I wrote an essay to apply for a scholarship, and the assigned topic was "Who Am I?" What a question! And can I ever really know?

There's an interpersonal communication model called the Johari Window, which discusses a person's human identity in terms of a window with crossbars dividing it into quadrants, each with a different label.

The "open" quadrant represents information known to both self and others. This included the facts that I have a brown/red beard, wear glasses more frequently that contacts, and almost never say "ain't" but pause every time I say "war" because a childhood speech impediment gave me a talent for pronouncing W like R.

The "blind" quadrant represents information about a person that other people know but the person does not. Perhaps you know a person who communicates with people in a way that comes across as rude, but the person does not mean to be rude and is unaware that it is taken that way. This communication characteristic would be in the "blind" area of the Johari Window.

The "hidden" quadrant represents information the person knows but others do not. Addictions, painful parts of the past, and anything else we just don't want to talk about fall into this category.

Then there's the "unknown" quadrant, which includes information that no one knows about the person. The person is unaware of it, and so are other people. So what's in this quadrant? No one knows. How do we even know it exists? Good question. It's there because Joe and Harry (the creators of the model) put it there.

Some people have large open quadrants and small hidden ones. Some have big blind and hidden areas but little open ones. The Johari Window can somewhat explain how a person communicates (extroverted, introverted, etc). And from this, we can understand and appreciate that different people are different.

Anyway, all this communication stuff came back to me when I read this meditation that the Henri Nouwen Society emailed to me today:

Friendship in the Twilight Zones of Our Heart

There is a twilight zone in our own hearts that we ourselves cannot see. Even when we know quite a lot about ourselves - our gifts and weaknesses, our ambitions and aspirations, our motives and drives - large parts of ourselves remain in the shadow of consciousness.

This is a very good thing. We always will remain partially hidden to ourselves. Other people, especially those who love us, can often see our twilight zones better than we ourselves can. The way we are seen and understood by others is different from the way we see and understand ourselves. We will never fully know the significance of our presence in the lives of our friends. That's a grace, a grace that calls us not only to humility but also to a deep trust in those who love us. It is in the twilight zones of our hearts where true friendships are born.

Malaysia Report 1

Selamat pagi from Petaling Jaya, Malaysia! Our trip here was long and tiring but wonderfully blessed with excitement and safety.

We drove to Plano Wednesday afternoon, June 28, and met our friends, Jordan and Kimberlee Powell, who live there. After dinner with them, Jordan drove us to the DFW airport. Our flight left slightly after 9:00 pm. We had a four-hour layover in Los Angeles, which we needed due to long check-in lines, long security check lines, and hunger. We finally boarded Malaysia Airlines flight 95 at about 1:30 am on Thursday morning. After many hours (12-14?), we stopped in Taipei, Taiwan, where we were told to get off the plane but to stay in the airport for about 90 minutes and then to get back on the plane after it had received some tune-ups and cleaning and a new crew. About five hours later, we thankfully landed at the Kuala Lumpur International Airport in Malaysia, where Brother Ong Chong Fatt met us and took us to Petaling Jaya (PJ). After a delicious lunch of nasi lemak, Chinese fried rice, spiced chicken, and char koay teow, Tamara and I unloaded our luggage in the PJ congregation’s guest room and napped until we got up to get ready for an evening Bible study. After class, we ate supper with a few of the local Christians.

Saturday morning we ate roti canai at an Indian café across the street from where we’re staying. Then we called our mothers to ease their worries, and Steven jogged down some of the winding and hilly neighborhood streets. After spending some time working on various projects, Chong Fatt and Shaun (one of the PJ youth) took us to another Indian place to eat curry for lunch. Now that’s an experience everyone should have at least once. A large mound of rice surrounded by six-to-eight spoonfuls of curries (chicken, fish, vegetable, etc.), all on a larger-than-plate-sized banana leaf—ah, nothing can beat plunging your right hand into that ensemble, blending the rice and curries, and lifting the mixture to your drooling mouth. (Yes, Steven was the only non-Indian present who was willing to eat with his hand.) The food was delicious, and the fellowship was even better.

After lunch, the two of us enjoyed some couple time at a local shopping mall. Tamara says, “Now every shopping mall experience I have in the United States is going to seem sad and pathetic.” The mall was gigantic and crowded, not exactly Steven’s preference for free time, but you can talk with Tamara about it if you’re into that kind of thing.

The shopping excursion was followed by a brief time of rest and then some work in preparation for the evening activities. That night and Sunday morning were the Petaling Jaya Church of Christ’s 24th Anniversary, where Steven was the guest speaker. Saturday evening, about 120 people were present; and around 150 attended the Sunday morning festivities. (Those are large crowds for Malaysian churches.) Steven spoke three times about being God’s people on the heavenward journey.

A slide show Saturday evening said, “We live to eat.” This is an understatement for the Malaysian Christians. We whitefaces could learn from their understanding and practice of fellowship. Saturday evening, we ate a meal at the church building before the other activities, and then Steven joined a few of the local Christians for snacks and drinks at a nearby café from about 10:00 to around 11:30 pm, while Tamara stayed back to rest. After that, Chong Fatt and Steven talked until about 3:00 am about local ministry and life in general. After the Sunday morning worship, we all ate together again. At the conclusion of that meal, a couple of people invited us out for coffee. We had to decline and get some rest. That evening a group of friends treated us to dim sum, a local treat. We all sat at a round table and selected small dishes from large trays that servers brought around to the tables. We shared the dishes family-style. After dim sum, the seven of us went to the pasir malam (night market) on Jalan Petaling in Kuala Lumpur. Then we continued our fellowship with drinks at a small café. Malaysia has delicious fresh fruit juices, so Tamara chose mango juice, and Steven had watermelon juice, but we traded half-way through.

Tamara has been doing impressively well in recuperating from jetlag and adjusting to the time change. (Malaysia is thirteen hours ahead of Texas.) But Steven, the experienced traveler, didn’t get more than four hours of sleep until last night.

It’s Monday morning now, and Chong Fatt is driving us to Frazier’s Hill, a mountain resort where the three of us will spend a couple of days fellowshipping with Ken and Estelle Sinclair and her mother, Marie White, who is visiting from Big Lake, Texas. Ken and Estelle had already rented the Johor Bungalo there when they saw us Saturday evening, and the bungalo had more bedrooms that they needed, so they invited us to join them. We plan to stay there until Wednesday and then to spend a couple of days at the Sinclair home in Seremban. We look forward to meeting the Seremban couple with whom Tamara has been invited to do some counseling. Later in the week, we plan to take a bus to Singapore to visit the Woodlands congregation, for whom Steven will speak from the assigned text of 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18. Steven worked with the Woodlands church in the summer of 2002, his last time to visit Southeast Asia before this trip.

This report has mentioned Ken and Estelle Sinclair, and most of you know who they are. For those who don’t, let me explain. The Sinclairs were missionaries in Southeast Asia for 24 years (12 years in Malaysia until the government discontinued all missionary visas, 4 years in Indonesia, and 8 years in Singapore). Then they lived in Abilene, Texas, for somewhere around 15 years, where Estelle taught in the prison system and Ken taught Bible classes at ACU and was Missions Coordinator for Asia, as well as both an elder and the outreach and jail minister for the South 11th & Willis Church of Christ. About a year ago, Ken and Estelle moved back to Malaysia to spend their retirement here. “Uncle Ken” has been Steven’s mentor for about eight years.

We apologize for taking so long to send out our first report. Internet access here is not what it is in the USA. However, we look forward to keeping in touch with you as frequently as possible. You should receive something from us sometime next week. Until then, feel free to check out the photos at http://photos.yahoo.com/gainesforasia and keep the following in your prayers:

1. Our trip to Singapore (Friday) and back to Seremban (Wednesday?), as well as our visit with the Woodlands congregation there. Steven will be speaking there on Sunday.

2. Ken and Estelle Sinclair and Estelle’s mother, Marie White, as they travel.

3. Preparations for the ladies’ class Tamara is leading on July 15.

4. Our upcoming visits in Kuala Lumpur and Penang.

5. Our marriage as we approach our first wedding anniversary (July 23).

Summer Plans

Tamara and I are planning to spend about a month in Malaysia and Singapore this summer, and most of my blog entries for the next couple of months will be about our trip.

[Just in case government authorities or their various technologies might be reading this, let me assure you that this is not a business trip or a ministry trip (officially). Our intention is simply to visit friends.]

I have been to Southeast Asia six times, and I look forward to rekindling old relationships there. I’ve been invited to speak in Petaling Jaya on July 1 and 2 and in Singapore on a date yet to be determined. We’re hoping to attend a special event in Malacca on July 17-19. Tamara has agreed to provide some pro bono counseling for a young couple in Seremban. For much of our time in Asia, we’ll be staying with Ken and Estelle Sinclair, a couple of mentors who have retired there.

We are planning to leave DFW on the evening of June 28 and return on July 26. After spending some time in the Dallas area to celebrate our one-year anniversary (July 23), we’ll drive back to Abilene, where we’ll have a few days to recuperate before beginning the fall semester.

Tamara and I will both be full-time faculty members at ACU next year. She will continue teaching and counseling in the Student Success Department, which she’s been doing the past two years. I have recently accepted an opportunity to teach communication and to join the coaching staff for the speech and debate team.

So, stay tuned for more news…

Back by Popular Demand

I’m writing this in the “business center” of a hotel in Corsicana, Texas, where my parents, grandfather, and I are have stayed the last two nights. Yesterday we attended a funeral in Kerens, remembering my great-aunt, Dolora (Aunt Dode) Pike. She had been a victim of Alzheimer’s disease for several years and had lost herself years ago, so the family both mourns and rejoices with her transition to greater life.

The last time I was here was for my grandmother’s funeral in September. Granny and Aunt Dode were sisters and grew up in the Kerens area. (Kerens is a small town about a 15-minute drive from here.) As at Granny’s funeral, I shared some written memories I had gathered from family members. Aunt Dode’s children decided to do that at the funeral yesterday too. I never got to spend as much time with Aunt Dode as I would have liked because we lived so far apart, but I was able to come up with a few memories, and then I shortened my memories to just one to read at the funeral because I didn’t want my ramblings to consume half the allotted time. But for you, my loyal readers, I’ll share some more.

I remember going to the annual picnic with Granny and Papa and seeing Aunt Dode there. She was always cheery and made the hot days even more fun for this little boy. I will forever treasure those July afternoon walks around the picnic, drinking Coke with Granny and Aunt Dode and talking with them about the cool toys that were for sale.

I remember staying with Aunt Dode when Granny and Papa took me with them to visit. Aunt Dode pulled some banana pudding out of the refrigerator, and I felt like I was in heaven. She let me watch Batman in her living room. And this was when my family didn’t have a TV, so it was a special treat, and it was the first time I found an interest in the incredible legend of the masked hero. I liked sleeping on her floor. I found her yard entertaining. I was intrigued by her shoe necklace.. And I was totally awed when she told me that her house used to be outside of Dallas but now was part of Dallas. Wow—a house that moves!

I remember one time when Nannie was living with Granny and Papa in Midland and Aunt Dode was visiting. I was staying there a few days, and one afternoon I went into Nannie’s bedroom and found her sitting quietly in her chair. That was nothing new. But when I got a closer look at her, I froze with fear. Her eyes were open! That could mean only one thing. I hurried to the living room and whispered to Aunt Dode, “Come to Nannie’s bedroom.” She asked me why, and I confided, “I think Nannie’s dead.” By now I’m sure she was at least somewhat concerned on the inside, but her outer composure remained calm. She didn’t get scared, and she didn’t act like I was just an immature child either. She said, “Well, let’s go see.” Then we walked to the bedroom, and Aunt Dode wisely showed me that Nannie was still breathing. I learned something from Aunt Dode that day, and we both were quite relieved.

The funeral was a blessing to me and hopefully to other family members as well. Everyone with speaking roles did superbly, and it was a wonderful experience to come together as family, different yet connected in a love that surpasses all.

Well, family members are asking about my blog. Apparently some people are actually interested in reading my musings, so here’s yet another attempt to recommit myself to this electronic journal, the ideal instrument for broadcasting my soul to the world. Enjoy.

wedding reception pic

Tamara and Steven at their wedding reception in Fayetteville, Arkansas, July 23, 2005

Restart

Once again, I'm trying to commit myself to posting regularly to my blog. Please forgive my inconsistency.

Life has been crazy since my last post. Too much has happened for me to capture it all in one writing. I'll share a few highlights here, and then more may come in later posts.

Tamara and I got married on July 23 in West Fork, Arkansas. It was a beautiful wedding, and our life together is off to a great start. Of course, there are the ups and downs as expected, but God has blessed us amazingly.

We honeymooned in the Smoky Mountains, staying in a secluded cabin north of Gatlinburg, Tennessee. Marvelous. When I returned to ministry with the Tuscola Church of Christ, a few of the men informed me that they had met while I was gone and decided that they could no longer afford me. (Obviously, other issues are always involved in such actions, but budget difficulty was the one presented in this case.)

I finished the month of August with the congregation and then gracefully bowed out, letting them begin their search for a part-time preacher. Another man is now preaching for them on Sundays but not doing any other ministry in the community. I fear for their future and pray rich blessings upon them.

Tamara and I were in quite a quandary as to what our next plan of action should be. I began applying for other ministry jobs. Several churches seemed interested. I accepted an invitation to work with a church in Arkansas, but that relationship suddenly vaporized after the elders' knee-jerk reaction to a misunderstanding in the compensation negotiation.

Devastated, Tamara and I prayed and pondered. Immediately after receiving the bad news from Arkansas, I started getting calls from other churches interested in me. Then Tamara's supervisor told her that he needed to know whether she would be here next semester, so she and I decided to stay in Abilene for the time being. She's still teaching and counseling. I'm teaching part-time, doing guest speaking for churches, doing a little consulting and writing, and working part-time with a couple of ministries. Next semester, I'll return to grad school to finish the Master of Divinity (MDiv) degree. It's a three-to-four-year degree, but I have only a year and a half left because I've been taking occasional courses the last few years while I've been doing other things. After I complete the degree, we'll look again to see what doors God may open.

More plans, thoughts, and events coming soon.